Do you enjoy rereading a book, seeing a television series or film again or revisiting places? I confess to be one of these people and understand perfectly when I hear someone saying that they never get bored when they are talking of something they enjoy doing time and time again. The Christmas and Easter narratives have been amongst my reading material for a number of years. I wonder at their simplicity and yet majestic authenticity to capture our imagination even today. This year, three statements from the nativity have given me food for thought and it is these thoughts that I now share with you.

‘Do not be afraid’ - words spoken by an angel to Mary, Joseph and the shepherds.

‘You will find’ - by an angel to the shepherds, and –

‘We have seen’

Joseph and Mary had much to be afraid of. They were a young engaged couple. An angel of the Lord appeared to Mary and said, ‘You will be with child’. Luke 1:30.

How do you explain that you are pregnant and yet have not been unfaithful? Who will believe that you are carrying a child conceived by the Holy Spirit? It sounds far-fetched to say the least. In our modern society this young woman could well be diagnosed as emotionally disturbed and needing help psychologically. Two thousand years ago her pregnant state would have been morally unacceptable. Her fiancée would have had no obligation to go through with the engagement and her disgrace could have ended in estrangement from her family. In the earlier centuries whispers, ridicule, enforced isolation and physical punishment were often the consequences of this immorality. Things have changed over the years. Today, in many instances, it is considered quite normal for babies to be born out of wedlock and if it is not acceptable then an agreeable way out of the situation before or after birth can be bought or found that satisfactorily appears to please all concerned.

An angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife.’ Matthew 1:20

It is all too easy to see the nativity through the eyes of children. No room at the inn - the baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger - the shepherds watching their sheep at night and the sky lit up by the angelic host telling them of the Saviour’s birth in Bethlehem. The visit of the magi and their gifts of gold, myrrh and frankincense – all this beautifully told as we perhaps sing Christmas carols, attend Christmas services and watch nativity plays. It is a simple but profound narrative and one that the Christian faith has as its foundation.

As the narrative unfolds we find that there are many parallels today. Ask any mother what her fears are and she will say that I will not get to hospital in time for my baby’s birth and that nothing will go wrong. Some mothers do not arrive at the maternity unit in time for the birth of their babies – a frightening experience but more often than not with happy endings. We cannot number the babies born to women who are alone or in make shift shelters or refugee camps with little or no food, water or medical assistance.

‘Mary gave birth to her first born, a son. She wrapped in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.’ Luke 2:7 Jesus had a feeding trough for a cradle!

Throughout the ages, political, social and economic climates have affected a man’s ability to find employment or to keep the job he has got. No work means no money. Everyone needs money to pay the rent, bills or buy food. War, disease and famine all to some degree or another bring homelessness, suffering and poverty. Joseph, just as many a young man of today, facing the difficulties he had then, needed to exercise integrity, trust and an awareness of providing for a family in extremely adverse situations. He needed to find a safe place to live and a job to provide for the family. He settled the family in Bethlehem. Perhaps it felt as though it was a new beginning and the family’s prospects began to improve - but it was not to last.

After the magi’s visit the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, ‘Get up, take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.’ Matthew 2:13.

Joseph fled to the small Jewish community in Egypt with his family. He left behind all the prospects that his new start in Bethlehem had given him and the family. It happens doesn’t it – just when things are beginning to pick up, everything goes wrong. It may be the return of redundancy, the recurrence of an illness or financial problems. Whatever the reason might be, the consequences are the same, with a gnawing fear that things might well not work out second time round. Herod did kill all the boys under the age of two years who lived in Bethlehem. Joseph and Mary were refugees for the next few years while they waited for Herod’s rule to come to an end.

Imagine the excitement as they finally returned to the land of Israel. Perhaps they were talking with the young boy of what it would be like, who they would see and visiting the temple. As they drew near to the border the conversation hushed as that gnawing fear returned when they heard that Herod’s son Archelaus was a worse tyrant than his father. Joseph was afraid to go to Bethlehem so, being warned in a dream, he withdrew and went to Nazareth, a town in Galilee. Matthew 2:27,28.

Fear, panic and anxiety are understandable emotional responses to what may happen to us. They also might be a response to what might never happen. I am sure that this is what happened to the shepherds on the night that Jesus was born.

There they were - the dark night lit only by the small campfire around which they huddled.

‘An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the Glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.’ Luke 2:9.

God turned his huge blinding spotlight on them and they misinterpreted it so much that they were terrified. No, they hadn’t been found out, they weren’t about to be punished, they were not surrounded by those who wished to harm them - instead they were the first people to hear the announcement of the Saviour’s birth.

The Saviour was born into poverty and not the splendour and comfort fit for a prince. His birth was proclaimed to those of little means and no great station in life. It was not shouted on the roof tops but in the dead of night while the towns’ folk slept – some in a drunken stupor after reaching their journey’s end. They were too tired to see the light beaming onto the hill top and to hear the song of the angelic host or to hear the shepherds running through the streets of the town. The shepherds were doing what we so often do not do – they went to see for themselves.

‘Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.’ Luke 2:11,12.

They decided to go to Bethlehem to find out if it was true – and when they had seen him they told everyone they saw about the new born baby lying in a manger. Everyone was amazed and no doubt there were those who were curious enough to go to see for themselves.

‘The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.’ Luke 2:20.

Fear may be real or unfounded but by giving into it the consequences are always the same. Fear causes us to make hasty decisions or none at all, to run away, blank off or give way to uncontrollable emotions. It prevents us from getting the most out of life and our ability to think straight and apply ourselves to what needs to be done. We cannot sleep, or eat and cannot achieve as much as we used to. When we take our hands away from covering our eyes and ears and lift our head up we give ourselves a chance. We might not witness the spectacular appearance of the heavenly host praising God with their heavenly anthem – but we do give ourselves the opportunity to be overcomers. It might mean that nothing can be done to alter our circumstances. When we have peace we can cope with what life throws at us. We give ourselves the opportunity to walk with integrity and assurance. Through perseverance we will be able to look back and appreciate the tough road we walked and know that we have come through – to a better place.

The nativity offers us hope, encouragement, forgiveness, trust and deliverance - all wrapped up in the precious bundle of a baby born for us on Christmas day.

It is good to worship and echo the words of the angelic host when they sang - ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests.’ Luke2:14

It took three months to find a solution for the treeless screen which our new neighbour had left us with when she cut down a large willow, an established plum tree, and the rambling rose whose branches snaked higher up the willow every year. The height of these trees had given our garden protection from the cold easterly winds and a wonderful canopy of shade. Many ideas of what could be done with the ugly gap were floated with the family – remove the raised garden and use it for extra seating was one of them. This idea was thought to be too drastic and would leave a large amount of the fence exposed. A proposal to leave the two taller shrubs and make the garden smaller leaving room for a barbecue was considered. It was decided that it would not be worthwhile as we only had a couple of barbecues last year. We did not need another garden shed either.

Towards the end of August I investigated what was going on at the back of the shrubs where the sun and rain were now able to reach. What a pleasant surprise to find that the back of the ceanophus which had always been completely dead was greening up. I set to work pruning out all the dead wood and, as I worked, the answer to the problem our neighbour had given us began to evolve.

The ceanophus was shaped into a tree, the choisya cut down to a third of its height and a small rhododendron replaced with a viburnum. The acidic soil directly behind the sleepers was dug out, replaced with garden compost loam and planted up with perennials and ornamental grasses. An ugly, three-pronged branch of the rambler had grown into a large shrub whose long branches swayed with the wind like giant palm leaves. I did wonder what its final fate would be.

We returned from a 10-day trip and, as I always do, took a walk around the garden to see what the new landscape looked like. The shrubs were flowering and all the new plants had taken well. However, the gap was back. In our absence the rose had been returned to a badly sawn two-pronged stump. Perhaps next year we will find out the reasoning behind its second drastic pruning.

The solution proved to be a challenge and had its risks. The ugly stump of the rose is not my responsibility though it is not a pleasing sight. It is always possible to change a roses’ habits. Maybe over time it will be converted into a shrub rose or will be completely removed. We shall have to wait and see what happens.

When we have a vision, rarely does it just happen. We need a willingness to act when we can, patience with what we cannot influence and wisdom to know what is our responsibility and what isn’t. Above all, we must never lose our vision.

We live close to the Suffolk and Norfolk coast where there is easy access to the sea and tidal creeks and rivers. One Saturday morning we took some friends for a walk along the promenade at Southwold our local seaside resort. The tide was in and there was a heavy swell. That day, as the swell came up against the promenade, the force of the waves pushed the sea upwards spewing the water into the air where it hung suspended like a creamy brown sheet. Then, just like a fountain, the sheet of water collapsed and was swallowed up by the sea.

I sat on some steps to watch the families who were making the most of enjoying the watery displays. Older brothers holding their younger sisters’ hands - hair, clothes and shoes soaked. One lad had leather black lace ups on! A grandmother stood, smartly dressed in a long brown coat, wearing a wonderful Stetson and leather boots, at first tentatively behind her grandsons and then, as her confidence grew, alongside them. Dads held younger children in their arms or perched them on their shoulders while other children clambered onto the beach hut verandas to peer through the wooden slats at the goings on. It was a scene repeated up and down the promenade - sometimes to the annoyance of those who were intent on their morning stroll and irritated by the stationery spectators who were blocking their path.

Children say so much by their actions. I saw my grandson slip from his daddy’s shoulders into his arms and then after a few moments wriggle out of his arms, slide down his legs to restlessly watch the activity. His mum read her young son’s actions very well. She took his hand and as a wave rose up she ran towards it, stopping a few feet behind the older youngsters. As she crouched down with him she pointed to the water as it rose and fell. You can imagine the rest – it was a wonderful game. Soon they were joined by his more apprehensive, older sister.

It was a good example of a child gaining his confidence and that confidence encouraging another more anxious child to find theirs. The whole exercise was done in a ‘we’re in this together’ context and the outcome was so good. It made me think about how confidence is imparted. If we act confidently, we make it possible for others to follow. Let’s get to where the other person is, offer a hand, a word of encouragement, even a smile – and go forward with renewed hope and vision.

Sometimes I find myself talking to a very anxious adult – only to find that they had an equally anxious parent who passed on his or her anxiety. What will others pick up from you or me today?

The prestigious Wimbledon tennis tournament is over for another year. For some, there have been bitter disappointments. Others, however, have experienced exhilaration as they have achieved their dreams. Djokovic, when asked when he first began to dream of Wimbledon fame, replied, ‘From the age of four, when I first picked up a tennis racket.’

Through graphic close-ups of faces that express all, newspapers and TV have shown the world the highs and lows of players and spectators. There could only be one winner in each of the finals and everyone understood that from the start. However, everyone played throughout as if they could be that winner. As each player was knocked out of the tournament, they expressed their disappointment but quickly moved to thinking about how they could improve their game. A familiar phrase was, ‘I’ll be back.’ Decisions are being made about the right coaches to help them address their weaknesses.

I thought of how totally committed each player was to his or her sport – along with their fans – through rain and shine. What involvement! Then I thought about what we choose to put our time and best efforts into. Do we stick with family members through thick and thin? Are we a faithful friend, a loyal work colleague? Do we gladly put our own desires aside so that someone else can be helped in their hour of need? It is that degree of commitment that shows the extent of our love for that person most clearly.

There was a prize of £1.1m for the winner of the men’s final. For us, there is the prize of seeing someone achieve their highest good.

I would like my Dad….

… to be with me – available at all times in the same way that he is available for everyone and everything else. I am fed up with being fobbed off. I know that ‘wait and see’ means -‘never’. ‘Ask your mother’ means - ‘I can’t be bothered’. ‘Tomorrow’ - never comes.

… to hear me out – rather than interrupting me with his view point – obviously my opinion does not matter! Perhaps I should know better than to ask his advice because he fobs me off with the wrong answer and then gets huffy when I tell him he is wrong because it hasn’t worked. I should know better. He gets it right for others so why not me? He can’t blame me if I don’t go to him anymore.

… to be interested in what I am doing – ‘tell me later’ is wearing a bit thin now. My friends’ dads do things with them – watch them play footie and cricket, take them fishing, go carting or cycling. He doesn’t show up when he should – perhaps people really think that he doesn’t exist. I can’t blame them.

… to be for me – you don’t know me really. I want to tell you when I have messed up. I want to know that I can tell you everything about me – so that the pedestal that you have put me on can crumble and that you can meet me where I have fallen. Most of all, that you will help me to re-establish myself and to face life again and stand tall again. Somehow, I let you down and you don’t think it is right to fight for me. Maybe I have a point and I am right and the other person is wrong. Do you really care, or is there too much at stake and to lose, if you stick up for me?

… to stand against me – to tell me when I am wrong or about to make a mistake. Will you stick with me even if it takes a long time before the penny drops and I find out that you were right after all? Folks say that you learn by your mistakes. I don’t want you to compromise to keep my love. I want you to always be true to me with your values. When push comes to shove it’s what my dad says and thinks that matters.

At the end of the day I want to be like my dad.

I was struck by the simplicity and practical nature of the Bishop of London’s sermon at the recent Royal Wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton, now the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. The passages from Romans, so well read by her brother James Middleton, were those read at my wedding in 1973. The title of the sermon at my wedding was ‘living in harmony with each other’. William and Catherine were encouraged to transform, but not reform, each other through their love.

Over the years, I have seen so many couples try to change each other and their marriages come to grief in the process. The oneness that so many couples crave can, over time, be destroyed by wrangling, arguments, put-downs, and even emotional, mental and physical abuse. What a far cry from the ideal marriage which everyone dreams of!

The Christian marriage, as spoken of by the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:21-33, refers to the husband as the head of his bride, as Christ is of the church. Christ is the perfect groom – what a challenge for a husband to pursue with all his heart. He has, in the life of Christ, an attitude of strength, purpose and humility at his disposal with which to love his wife. A well - loved wife, with a similar manner of love and humility, will desire to bring joy and honour to her husband.

Every eye will scrutinise this young couple in the years ahead, hoping for a successful Royal marriage. Let us remember to pray for them as we endeavour to transform those close to us with our love.

Millpond

It is not often that the sea in Sole Bay at Southwold is so still that there are no waves - just a gentle lapping of water on the shore. Recently, I commented to a friend with whom I was enjoying a coffee, on the stillness of the sea. After coffee we walked into town to do some shopping. I took her to a photographic shop to see the most recent photos of the area on display and was attracted to one which I thought showed deep blue sea and sky and a reflection of the buildings on the pier. The clear blue of the sea was quite unusual as we usually have a more murky sea here because of the sandy seabed. I commented to my friend that although a photograph, it seemed quite unreal, perhaps as if it had been enhanced to make it more attractive.

As we walked down to join the promenade, we overlooked the bay. I realised then how unusual it was to see the sea so calm, for in the middle of the bay there was a complete reflection of a yacht. That stillness out to sea is rare in the narrow stretch of the North Sea between East Anglia and the continent.

A week later I visited the shop again and had a closer look at the photograph. I had mistakenly thought that the pier was reflected in the sea. I discovered that was not the case at all. The reflection was actually that of the beach huts on the promenade in a lagoon left by the receding tide. In the waters of the lagoon was a wonderful view of the blue sky and clouds above. The vividness of the photograph was generated by clear sea water trapped on the clean sand of the beach. Last summer, this lagoon had been a recurring addition to the beach. There were always children enjoying the safe warm water in the lagoon.

In my haste the previous week, I had not seen the true picture at all and it caused me to think of how easily we can miss the truth of a situation. I realised how important it was to not only be in a place of deep stillness to see things clearly, but also to gain a better understanding and perspective before drawing conclusions that miss the point. The previous week I had seen a reflection of buildings that was inaccurate – the ones on the pier instead of the beach huts. Only part of what I perceived was correct – the reflection of the yacht in the middle of the bay was accurate. I had been so taken with what I thought I saw in the shop that I inaccurately conveyed it to friends, who I knew would have been interested in what I had seen. I have had to correct my misinterpretation with every one of them.

We can so easily misjudge and misinform. We often see what we want to see and become so taken up with our own perspective that we can be less than helpful to others. It is worth stopping a little longer to get a more accurate picture.

Ironically the earthquake and resultant tsunami that struck the island of Japan, extensively damaging the nuclear plant in Fukushima, happened the day before the first visit to Southwold. A heart- rendering contrast of tranquillity and beauty experienced one side of the world and horrific, catastrophic destruction and suffering on the other. The way forward in Japan has been dogged with increasing danger as experts have grappled with a threatened meltdown. Life can throw unsuspecting problems across our path any moment. It is out of a place of stillness that we will be able to handle ourselves and support those affected.

Mother’s Day is a special day when children try to say thank you to their mums for being the best mum in the world. I say ‘try’ for sometimes niggles, squabbles and things going wrong make for disappointment and frustration rather than happiness and appreciation. Although I count myself as privileged to have a husband, children and grandchildren, whose love and appreciation fill my heart with deep gratitude, I always have mixed thoughts and feelings as Mother’s day approaches.

‘Book early for Mother’s Day’ invitations are the eye-catching notices posted in local newspapers, outside pubs and restaurants, and in hotels foyers. I wonder – what do friends do if they want an evening out or an afternoon tea? There will probably be few spare tables to be found.

I have friends and family who are not married, have not been able have children or have lost their partners. Mother’s Day heightens their loneliness, loss and sense of failure. At such times I could feel sad – and guilty for having so much. The guilt might seem strange to those reading this. For many years I found it easy to feel bad for just about everything – but one cannot justifiably blame oneself for marrying and having children though. The feeling of sadness is a natural empathy. I reasoned that bringing my children up with an awareness of other people and to be there for them in their pain and sadness could bring a measure of happiness to those less fortunate than themselves. It takes such a little time to do something for someone else or to invite them to share in what the family are doing - without detracting from the special time for their mum.

I visited someone this week who talked of her pain at Mother’s Day church services. I am sure we are all familiar with the children who, faces beaming bring their mothers posies at some strategic point during the service. The sermon and prayers too re-affirm mothers in their motherhood. To make matters worse she shared that in her church posies left over are given to the grannies, aunts and if there are enough to the singles. None of these elements in the service would have been intentionally included to be offensive or reinforce her social position, loneliness or pain – but they did. My sadness was her dilemma. She did not want to miss going to church.

Perhaps more awareness and sensitivity could ease the feelings of pain and failure. I attend a church where family awareness of those who live alone is encouraged. Singles come to realise that they too have something to offer to each other and families. Mother’s Day is their opportunity to plan something different especially geared for them. The church service includes all the ladies - posies for everyone who is 18 plus and extras available for neighbours, friends and families who are unable to, or choose not to, attend church services. It works well and I thoroughly recommend it.

I know that joy and pain walk side by side, holding hands as it were. I wish that it could be different. As I think of those who I am closest to I wish that what they are going through or have to face in the days ahead could be changed – but that is not likely to happen. I know that the supportive role is best and that can be given by the married, widowed or single lady for it is an attitude of heart that matters most.

Fall Out

Recently I have found myself thinking of how much we can be affected by either our own, or someone else’s, decisions. The reality of these thoughts was highlighted for me one Saturday when I woke up to the loud whine of a chainsaw. I knew what was happening straight away and rushing to the conservatory saw the evidence of my well-founded fears. The branches of a stately willow tree growing at the bottom of a neighbour’s garden were being lopped off. I rather optimistically thought that she was having the tree coppiced. By the end of the morning the willow and a plum tree, smothered in white blossom, had been removed. The spreading boughs of these mature trees had overhung half of the side fence of my garden. My suspicions were that, once started, two more trees standing taller than the willow but bordering on another neighbour’s back garden, would also be gone before the day was out.

Decisions can, at times, have far-reaching consequences. They can appear quite logical and necessary. However, as is so often the case, a decision can work to one person’s advantage and to another’s disadvantage. This was the case when our new neighbour removed these four beautiful trees. The willow could have done with coppicing and the plum pruning while the other two were coming in to their prime.

The true situation was that the taller tree cut out the sun to the tiny back garden of a widow and when these trees shed their leaves in the autumn, her walled garden was smothered. Every autumn for the five I have known her, she has said that when someone new moved in she would ask if they could do something about these two trees – and so the new owner had.
The effect on my garden was not so advantageous. A tall green screen which sheltered the garden from the cold east wind had gone, along with its bloom, fruit and autumn colours. Gone too was a beautiful rambling rose whose long branches snaked up the willow and the clematis which ran riot along the fence and in the plum tree. The treeless gap cut a hole in the eastern corner of the garden and left a mature landscape slightly wanting and requiring some careful planning to accommodate a huge space which originally was a quiet corner overhung by trees and donated to the birds.

The only benefit to my garden is that the shrubs can get more rain rather than just the drips from overhanging branches and the ceanothus can hopefully grow more rounded, rather than be heavily laden with its lush growth and blue blossom facing the sun and on the other side only spindly new growth every year, which soon died and left an ugly mass of thin, dead wood. I am not sure how this top heavy tree will cope next year when an easterly gale smacks into it? The new neighbour has a much younger tree growing not far from where the willow stood and more sun in the middle of the day in that corner of her garden. She will, however, feel the force of the westerly gales for the first time in what was a very sheltered garden.

I wonder if we realise the fallout of our decisions - the consequences on others as well as ourselves? We might see only the immediate rather than the long-term effect. Maybe the success, freedom and happiness which we decided to move heaven and earth for, in the end was not what we really wanted, and the outcome was not worth it. How often do we see the loneliness and pain in someone we are close to as they bear the brunt of someone else’s decision? I have come to the conclusion that life-changing decisions need to be made with a full awareness of their effect, for once made it might well not be possible to restore to what things used to be.