29th December 2011.

01:07.

Owww. My eyes sting. Never one to function particularly well in the middle of the night, I am nevertheless wide awake to the tune of “I think my waters have broken”. Immediately forgetting the sage advice of the midwife who forewarned that the breaking of one’s waters (not mine, the wife’s) does not signal the imminent arrival of one’s offspring, my mind raced ahead to thoughts of newborn crying and a heroic single-handed delivery at the bedside.....

Instead, a particularly unglamorous and previously disregarded (but large) pink towel is placed under the bed sheet and left to do its work of absorption, lights are switched off and normal sleep is resumed. For me, at least.......