Maturity

Most of us can look back and see ways in which our parents didn't always get their parenting right! What do we do with the things they got wrong - and their impact on us? It is tempting to ignore those mistakes and excuse them with platitudes. Unfortunately, the result of doing that is to turn blame back on ourselves and that damages us. Is there anything we can do to get a right perspective on all this? Here is my suggestion:

Think of maturity on a scale of 0-10. Let's say that your father scored maturity 5 for maturity - and your mother scored 7. So between them they were able to bring you up to level 6 in terms of your maturity. Why not look back and be grateful for the fact that they took you to level 6? But what about the gap? How are you going to grow from 7 through to 10? That is down to you and your relationship with the Lord and with his people. In God's family the relationships should be such that issues can be worked through and maturity gained. Don't keep looking back to your natural family for them to make up the gap. They can't - and when you reach a certain age, it is no longer their responsibility to try and do so.

See it as your responsibility and it will stop you from being bitter or resentful. It will help you to take yourself seriously, to put your roots down into God's family and whatever relationships he has given you - and to grow from there. This is not about cutting natural family off - quite the opposite. It is reaching back in love to those who have given you what they could.

There will be instances where parents have inflicted deep hurt into the life of their child. The same principles apply and you will need to offer forgiveness, by God's grace, to those who have hurt you. If you create a new position - and become your own person before God - then you will have the strength and grace to move on and then reach out in love.