The Question of Suffering

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” (1 Peter 5:10)

How do you deal with a topic as huge as suffering? What angles to you approach it from? Suffering is always going to provoke huge questions and even larger discussions. Many books have been written on the subject and many debates argued. Over the years I am coming to the conclusion that we will find no answers in this world. Why does suffering exist? What causes it? How do we deal with it? These and other questions are but a fraction of the huge concern surrounding the issue of suffering. If there is one thing I am convinced of though, suffering is real and all of us at some point in our lives on this earth will come face to face with it, whether it is our own suffering or that of someone else.

Perhaps it would be helpful to define suffering. The Oxford dictionary defines suffering as: ‘The state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship.’ Can suffering be defined then as personal? What about national disasters, earthquakes, acts of terrorism, floods, famines, tsunamis etc. Although affecting a huge number of people at one time the consequences of these traumatic disasters cause indescribable suffering to each individual person involved. Suffering is therefore very personal and individual. Similarly each individual will respond to suffering in different ways. Some may recoil into their own world and shut out everyone else. Some may carry on as if nothing has happened, refusing to look at the situation. Some may shout, cry, and scream until their energy (and tears) is spent. Others may wallow in self-pity looking for someone or something to blame. Blame can turn to anger, bitterness and resentment. God is often used as a scape-goat for people’s wrath. How many times have we heard; ‘If there was a God, He wouldn’t have let this happen.’ Or, ‘If God is good, why did He allow this to happen?’ We will only really find out the answers to these questions in Heaven. Whilst in some cases it is right to apportion blame (to man’s actions), it never really leads to healing. The most consoling revelation is that Jesus suffered too. (Look carefully at the cross and the events leading up to the cross.) Therefore He is not outside our suffering, but rather right there with us in our afflictions. He knew what pain, distress, hardship was. Jesus knew the distress of poverty, he told his disciples; “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20). Jesus didn’t possess the luxury of material wealth. He knew the pain of betrayal (Judas) and he knew excruciating bodily pain, (The Cross). Whatever our situation, we can be sure that Jesus is right there in it with us. I like Joni Eareckson’s following description:

“Suffering gets us ready for the resurrection…..Suffering also prepares us to meet God when we get to heaven. Suppose you never knew pain. No stained reputation, no bruised feelings. No sore back, twisted ankle, or decayed molars. How could you adequately express your gratitude when you approach the Man of Sorrows, who was acquainted with grief?”

“When you meet Jesus face-to-face, your hardships will give you a taste of what He went through to purchase the promise of your resurrection. And your loyalty to Him in your sufferings will give you something concrete in return. For what other proof could you bring of your love if this life left you totally unscarred?” (Diamonds in the Dust, May 5th, Joni Eareckson Tada). Likewise it is also our individual responses to our suffering that can either release us or cage us in self-pity, disillusionment, resentment and bitterness.

Now I would like to turn to the topic of OUR responsibility in the subject of suffering. This isn’t a topic often discussed in relation to suffering but I believe that a substantial amount of people’s suffering could be eased by individual human responses towards their fellow man. In today’s world we seem accustomed to fight for what we view as our rights. Are we quite so aware of our responsibilities? Pain, distress and hardship can often be the result of human actions (or lack of), either conscious or unconscious, towards other human beings. We cause so much suffering to others by our attitudes, lack of involvement, cutting comments, disapproving looks, and ultimately our lack of understanding of the other person and who they are. Not all suffering can be blamed on external sources, the extent to which a person suffers and the relief of a person’s suffering can also be within our grasp. A kind word, a cup of tea, a warm smile, a listening ear with a non-judgemental attitude, the giving of our precious time to someone in need may do more to alleviate a person’s suffering than any money or medicine could. Isn’t this the example shown to us by Jesus? (The story of the Good Samaritan is just one example). Putting aside our own fears, anxieties and prejudices for the sake of the other person’s needs? The next time your child wants to show you something when you are in the middle of cooking tea and you respond impatiently with, ‘Not now’ perhaps think again. Surely giving your child a little of your time so that they feel important to you will produce a far healthier person, in the long-term, than tea being a few minutes late. Does feeling the way we are feeling at this moment give us the right to take those feelings out on the next person we see? Does our own suffering give us the right to cause distress to our fellow human beings? Our actions towards another person can either crush them or boost them in an instant. I do not know if the following story is true or not, nor who wrote it, but it is a story that has made a large impact on me personally.

“One day when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.” I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friend’s tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him, as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."

He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes.
We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books every day!"

He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began, "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way. Look for good in others.”

This story is a wonderful illustration of the fact that we may never know the effect which our behaviour has on another person. We may have the power to help alleviate someone’s suffering within our reach. The real question is; “Are we ready to accept that suffering is our responsibility and are we prepared to leave our own comfort zone for the sake of another, or are we more content to lay the blame at God’s feet?”