The following article was sent in by a reader:

I think it’s generally true that, if we have little or no personal experience of something, it can be hard to fully understand it. I’ve found this to be true about understanding my true value as a child of God. When I attended the Step 1 Understanding Yourself weekend 3 years ago we learnt about value and how our sense of identity and value are formed. I understood what was taught at an academic level but found it difficult to relate to personally, probably because I had little sense of my own value. Any value I felt I had was firmly rooted in what I could do, I didn’t feel I had any value or security based on who I was.

I understood the idea of having value based on what I could do and could relate that to my work. I have quite a responsible job, I work very hard and am good at what I do and that has always been recognised at work. However, I operated on that basis in every area of life – in my family, in church life and in relationships generally. The belief that my value as a church member only lay in what I did in the church caused me great problems when I became ill and could no longer ‘do’ things for other people. It felt like my value had diminished, ceased even, and that extended to how I felt God viewed me.

In my contact with Halesworth Community Church I have consistently been given value, not because of what I can ‘do’, but simply because of who I am and I have been shown unconditional acceptance and love. At first it felt very alien to be accepted just for who I was, not to have to earn that acceptance or to be continually criticised for who I am, but gradually I have discovered that I do have value – just as I am!
The Lord is slowly cementing these principles into my life. In the last year I have joined a new church where I have been welcomed and accepted for who I am, not for what I can ‘do’. I have enjoyed attending meetings and starting to build new relationships and gradually I am developing the confidence to share who I am – and again am finding that I’m accepted.

I’ve realised that the same principle is actually true at work. In one sense my value at work does lie in what I do – it’s what I get paid for! – but it goes much deeper than that. I’m working my notice at the moment as I’m leaving my current job, after working there for 8 years, so am busy sorting things out and trying to ensure that some of the work can continue until my successor is appointed. I’ve been very touched by the number of comments I’ve received about how much I’ll be missed, not just for the work I do, but for who I am and the positive relationships I’ve made and the impact I’ve had on other people’s lives. It has made me realise that, even in my work life, who I am as a person and the way I relate to people is far more important than being efficient at my job and that I am valued for who I am more than for what I do.

If that is true at work then how much more so that is true in our relationship with the Lord and with his people! As I increasingly live in the truth of this I’m finding that it makes life so much less stressful! Rather than continually feeling that I have to strive to get everything right all the time and perform ‘well’ to be accepted I’m able to enjoy being the person that God created me to be and enjoy the relationships that he has blessed me with.

These thoughts have been sent in by a reader. I have called them:

Some of the effects of not valuing ourselves

I have realised the damage we allow people to do to us if we do not value ourselves. It often occurs in the small everyday things of life as well as the bigger issues. If we have no value we are so easily maneuvered and manipulated – how many times have you found yourself in the position of doing something which goes totally against everything you believe in?

I have, in the past, found myself pushed this way and that. We can bow to other people’s expectations of us - whether they are right or wrong. The ensuing struggle afterwards brings its own share of problems too. I have often been afraid to voice what I really feel but, interestingly, have found in retrospect that I was actually right. If we cannot stand as individuals knowing our true value we lay ourselves open to what others demand of us rather than what is good and right.

A classic example of this in practice came to mind the other day. Many years ago I worked with a lovely lady. She was a very efficient person, smart, well-educated and, in my eyes, someone who appeared to have got life together. But there was another side to her life at which I could only look on with deep sadness.

She was heavily involved with a married man and her life outside of the office was run totally around him and the few hours a week they were able to spend together. She would turn down invitations – just in case he could get away. Hour upon hour of her life was spent in hope and more often than not she was deeply disappointed. There were the frequent occasions when they had arranged to go out then at the last minute he couldn’t make it and she would be left, once again, alone in her flat. She always looked immaculate in the hope he might just drop in to see her but her life was really just on hold.

I couldn’t understand why she didn’t tell him to get lost. From where I stood she deserved so much better - I thought she needed someone who would give her first place in his life and would cherish her.

I feel really sad looking back because although I knew at the time the situation was not right for her, I had no idea why she would stay in such a destructive relationship. I wish someone had been able to help her understand herself and show her that she had true value.

Like her though, if I had known my true value so many of the decisions I have taken in the past would have been so different. This is not an ‘if only’ thing though because the more the truth hits my heart the better my choices and decisions will be in the future.

For an excellent understanding of the basis of our value as we find it in the Bible, go to the next page