Where have the real men gone?

This page is an opportunity for the ladies to share their struggles when it comes to understanding the men in their lives. It's purpose is not destructive but rather a means of helping the ladies to see that they are not alone. Hopefully, it will help us men to see the dilemmas that we can unwittingly produce for the ladies we care about.

The following was sent in by a reader:

'Sadly, time and again women are disappointed by the men in their lives. I know times change and I for one would not want to go back to the days of the ‘little woman at home in her kitchen’ but where have the real men gone?

Why are so many men afraid to take responsibility? When it comes to making life happen why is it usually the women who are at the front? I don’t think they want to be in that position but I think they are often forced to take up the role because if left to their man then nothing would happen.

Like many other wives I have often found myself taking control. No matter how hard I try to push the responsibility over to my husband I usually end up taking the reins. I do not want to! I want to be in a partnership where my man takes the lead, gets really involved with all that is going on and makes the decisions. Not in some autocratic way but allowing me to have input without the need for me to take responsibility.

I have lost count of the times I have found myself pushed through the door first – trying to organise a table in a restaurant or finding seats. When the children are playing up or a difficult situation arises why does it land on me to try and sort it out? Where has my man disappeared too? He might be there in person but could as well be on another planet. Sometimes, the uninvolvement can be frightening – why does he choose not to see what is going on?

Where are the men who want to not only take the lead but give their women the place God ordained for them? Is this a result of women’s liberation or have many men just lost Christ’s vision for them?'

A Need for Consistency

I have friends and family members whose husbands work really hard. They work overtime to get the job done and go the extra mile to help out when problems occur or extra man power is needed. Not only are they involved with the job they are popular with their colleagues.

I wish that they could be seen in such a positive light by their families. The problem is that Dad is never there for tea time, to help with homework and bed time. Mum sorts out the problems and squabbles. She plans the outings, provides the taxi service and attends the school functions and parents evenings.I have listened to the tearful disappointment and frustration of wives as they tell of children who may see only a glimpse of dad each day or him falling asleep as soon as he sits in a comfy chair after his meal - no matter how hard he tries to keep awake.

These same dads can come alive and be thoroughly involved if there is a football match or they are about to set out on a holiday.Should Joe Bloggs from next door need help it is not too much trouble to drop everything and be there straight away - not so if a wife, son or daughter wants something done!I find it so sad to hear 'I wish he could be like that with me and the children.'

Why are some men like this? Can they change and what can wives and children do to alleviate their distress.

- A troubled friend