Being in love and learning to love someone are very different! Consider the couple who have reached their golden wedding anniversary. They will have journeyed through much and will likely have had a mixture of good and challenging experiences. Compare them to the teenagers who have become besotted by each other. They are like powerful magnets drawn together into a state of delirium. We recognise that this young love doesn’t last forever, at some point our love for the people we are closest to has to mature in order to survive life’s challenges. In simple terms we have to learn to love each other. In my experience of talking with couples, I have observed an interesting set of dynamics. Imagine the base of a triangle, with the couple at either end facing the point above them. In order for them to grow closer they have to journey towards the apex. It means coming out of their corners, leaving behind old hiding places, often, what is comfortable and familiar. This doesn’t happen at the same time! Our uniqueness means we all respond differently and mature at different times. At times, we all need someone to lead the way, to encourage us to grow. A much-repeated pattern is the man who refuses to journey far enough from his corner. A frustrated wife becomes more exasperated and disillusioned. She doesn’t want to be constantly nagging but also doesn’t want to settle for second best. One of life’s greatest challenges is to understand who we really are. I believe that if a man takes significant steps to challenge his growth, then he will position himself in a place that encourages movement in his partner. Are you able to take constructive criticism from the person who loves you most? Or does a hint of disappointment interpret as failure and cause arguments or shutdown? Can two people work together to bring about unity? Are we genuine in our desire to build each other up or are we attacking the person closest to us because we feel so far down ourselves? Sadly, I see this too often. Most people have a negative view of themselves, the triangle is already skewed. Learning to love starts with an objective look at ourselves. We need other people to help us paint a picture. Ask the person closest to you to write a list of your five worst traits, write your own and compare the two. Agree on one together that you are going to change. Be brave enough to step out of your corner. This isn’t a self- help, can I improve myself, suggestion. This is serious stuff! If I refuse to budge from my corner there are fatal ramifications to the health of my relationships. If you are the person at the end of the triangle, where your partner refuses to move, the message you receive loud and clear is, that you are not worth it! It is undoubtedly unintentional but no less destructive. The result is two people who now feel even more devalued. We may need to accept that there are areas of our lives that need attention. Relationships are either growing closer or drifting apart. Let us start moving in the right direction. If you would like help with any of the issues raised in this article, feel free to contact us through the link below. https://www.halesworthcommunitychurch.org/contact.html